Jealousy

I’m jealous.  Ever since we took the campus tour last spring, I’ve had a bit of jealousy for Nolan. And it isn’t just his 37” flat screen HD, 1083MGP Visio TV.  Unloading his stuff nearly a week ago and then watching him adjust to his new life has taken my feelings from “gosh that would be fun” to full fledged jealousy.  Whoever said youth is wasted on the young must have had a kid in college.

Last spring, Nolan’s future campus was at its peak of beauty. More than just an aesthetic though, the school had so much to offer a student—a student center with a climbing wall and gym facilitates that an NFL club would envy.  His cafeteria dining area has a water-view that would make Bill and Melinda Gates gasp and wish they had not been so rash to buy that little place on Lake Washington. Oh yeah, there are academic pursuits too.

But even that isn’t what I find myself jealous of.  By the standards of the ‘80s, I had a decent campus and pretty cool activities.  The central Sierras and Shaver Lake was a short drive away.  There was a pub/grill across from the student union.  There wasn’t a long wait for computer time.  The library was big—at least it was the time I was there. 

Ok, so maybe I can be a little jealous of the amenities.  But, in my time, I did spent a lot of time in the air conditioned cabs of the newest farm tractors on the market, so there.

Technology is something to be envious of.  Cell phones, laptops, webcams, WiFi.  And the tools to use them—Skype, blogs, IM, texting—the internet.  None of these things even existed when I was in college.  The tools kids have to communicate with their professors, prepare for class and complete their homework is a huge advantage.  It has to speed the process of knowledge accumulation---that is, after all, one of the key reasons for the transfer of large sums of money to the University Bank.  I benefit from this technology largess, though—it is so much easier to stay in contact, to check in and see how they are doing.  If you’re a helicopter parent you are in business—no need for your kid to blow their nose without a conference call and a risk assessment. 

So maybe technology is a push on the jealousy scale.

In the week since we dropped Nolan off, I’ve been reminded time and again of his vitality and growing awareness of his transition from youth to adult.   Nothing allows you time and opportunity to develop into an adult like college.  Adulthood comes whether you want it or not—but the way college develops your world view and life outlook just can’t be matched. And you really can’t appreciate that in the first person, as it happens—it really hits you when you’re watching your kid experience it.

 I think that’s what I am most jealous of:  the realization that I am no longer young.  I know that if Nolan and I could trade places I could squeeze more out of college the second time around, and certainly more than him.  But let’s not get competitive.  I know what I missed and what I’d do differently. But that isn’t going to happen, there is no “do over”.  So I try to give him some insights; advice when it seems right.  I learned coaching youth soccer that it is way more difficult to teach it than to do it.  

I am jealous. I am not yet ready to live vicariously. I have to remember what is “his life” and what is “mine.”  Maybe that way I can be less jealous.  Maybe I can apply what I learned coaching Rayna in soccer, that it can be just as sweet to re-experience life through someone else’s.   I don’t know if I can be so adult about the flat-screen TV though.