We Need to talk

In the space of a week, two college students have perished—one, because of bullying, took his own life. The other perished after leaving a party the first weekend of school.  His body was recovered from the bay and the police don’t yet know what happened.  One in New Jersey and one in Washington; unrelated.  No doubt there are others, but it would be heartless to react that these are just two losses of many that occur in college and tut-tut them away from our minds. 

I cannot fathom what the parents of these two young men are going through.  Their loss and grief must be bottomless just now. I need to say something.

So, Nolan, we need to talk. 

First, you and Rayna are the most important thing in my life, period.  You can’t really know what I mean until you have kids, though I know you to be a very empathetic person.  I’ve tried to never pass up an opportunity to tell you this, but if for some reason it hasn’t struck you, I love you.

Second, if you are ever in trouble or have a troubled heart or mind, call home.  Nothing you can do, no situation will befall you that will change how I feel about you or what I would do to protect you.

Third, be safe.  There are so many things that can be undone, death is not one.

Some other thoughts:

Be thoughtful of others feelings.  Hurtful words and acts can have consequences beyond your imagination---people commit suicide because of things others have said.

Respect yourself. Others will treat you as you treat yourself.  If you respect yourself, and treat others with respect—it is unlikely you will be mistreated.

Always have a buddy.  I hope you will continue to share your feelings with mom and me—it has been the true nirvana of being your parents—if you find there is something you can’t tell us, tell a friend.  You need to develop that friendship now.

Be someone's buddy.  You are a good listener, but develop the ability to sense when something isn't right for your friends and let them know they can trust you to help them.

Know when you’ve had enough and stop before that.  Whether it is fun, lack of sleep or alcohol—too much is not a good thing.  I know you know what happens—my advice is to know when to stop.

Call home often. Stay safe.

Thanks for listening-you have always been good at that.

I love you, Dad.